Dylan Vs. Lennon

(The legendary Eat The Document outtake)

You'd like to think that a filmed meeting between Bob Dylan and John Lennon in 1966, when the two were at their creative and commercial zeniths, would offer up a fascinating bit of pop music history.

Not so much profound as hilarious; hysterical instead of historical, the infamous car ride outtake from the movie, Eat The Document, has achieved legendary status among tape traders for its puncturing of the Dylan myth. No, the man wasn't completely infallable back in the '60's.

Eat The Document, planned as a sequel to Don't Look Back (directed by D.A. Pennebaker), was meant to document a Bob Dylan tour of England the way the first film had-- only this was the former folkie's first electric tour. . .and with The Band (then called the Hawks) no less. Dylan would eventually sell Eat The Document in truncated form for one ill-fated showing on ABC TV many years later.

Dylan had taken the film out of director Pennebaker's more detached, objective, hands, staging a series of "skits" and "setups." He, his sidekick Bob Neuwirth and various other tour lackeys engaged in these scenarios and the few, cut clips of the Dylan tour footage itself are more teasing than pleasing. The final version is not a good movie.

Ah, but the OUTTAKE! Dylan and Neuwirth decided to pick John Lennon up at his home in the pastoral countryside and take him on a 30-minute trip to London. Pennebaker filmed the resulting car ride conversation between the two rock superstars in the backseat. The scene was never used (only a three second clip made it into the official Eat The Document), and you can see from the edited transcript below why the complete "car ride" sits in a vault somewhere today, and not in the viewing room of the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame.

Dubs of the clip show that Lennon is more than willing to play along with the forced comedy and drug-addled psychobabble, but Dylan (zonked-out from lack-of-sleep and god knows what) proceeds to insult everyone from Mama Cass to (apologetically) Johnny Cash, make a total ass out of himself, and then, ultimately, throw up.

Ah, history. As Lennon, cameraman Pennebaker, and Bob Neuwirth watch their folk-rock pioneering host barf his brains out outside of camera range (we get John's reaction instead-- Pennebaker was a great filmmaker), you can just hear the Mystery Science Theatre Robots screaming, "How does it feeeeel?!!!"

Bob Spitz, a Dylan biographer, writes of the Infamous Car Ride outtake, "Furtively, Lennon inches away from Bob the way a passenger creeps off when a pervert squeezes next to him on the subway."

History can be ugly, folks.

Dylan Look. (Pointing out the window) There's the mighty Thames. That's what held Hitler back. Winston Churchill said that. (To the front seat driver) Ain't that right, Tom? (No answer) Ain't that right, Tom?

Tom The Driver (Off camera) Definitely.

(Uncomfortable silence in the car. The first of many)

Dylan (turning to Lennon) John. . . I think I'm going to turn you into Tyrone Power in a matter of time.

Lennon Say that again.

Dylan I think I'm going to turn you into Ronald Colman. . . or Peetie Wheatstraw. . . or Sleepy John Estes. . . or Robert Johnson. . . or go to medical school like J. Carroll Nash.

Lennon Or Johnny Cash and all the rest of them.

Dylan (Suddenly serious) Hey, I have Johnny Cash in my movie. . . hey. . . hey man, you're gonna shit, man. When you see it you're gonna shit.

Lennon (booming voice) Hey everyone, John's gonna shit again!!

Dylan (Cash) doesn't know. . . he doesn't know. You know what Johnny Cash looks like, right? Have you spent much time around him?

Lennon Um.

Dylan (imitating Cash's awkward movements) He moves like that, man!

(Laughs, then suddenly catches himself and turns face front to the camera) Hey, you gotta cut that part of the film out, man. I really like him. . . Johnny's a nice guy. He just moves like that (makes motions again). . . all the good people, man, they move like that. . . (voices trails off, then he gives the camera a thumbs up). Johnny Cash. . . Hey Johnny!

Lennon (offkey) "Big River. . . Big River!"

(Uncomfortable silence. Heavy sighs all around. The drugs are kicking in)

Dylan I got. . . um. . .he's in the film.

Lennon Johnny's quite a guy, eh?

Dylan Quite a guy.

(Dylan groans a little. He's starting to look a little pale... Everyone talks at once and no one makes sense. Then Another uncomfortable silence).

Dylan You should've went out last night, John.

Lennon (waving his cigarette at the camera) Oh really, Bob!

Dylan (Rubbing his eyes) Man, I wish I could talk English, man!

Lennon Me too, Bobby!

Dylan (To Neuwirth) John can talk American, and I can talk English but I can never do it around John because (Dylan's head gets frighteningly close to the camera, speaking confidentially). John's such a great actor, man. Such a great actor that I. . .

Lennon He can't believe it's me. . .

(Another uncomfortable silence)

Dylan (looking out the window) Is this really the mighty Thames?

(Later in the ride, after Dylan psychobabbles nonsense and Lennon looks helplessly into the camera a few times with a 'help me' expression, Dylan gets serious. He shifts his body closer to Lennon, who recoils to Dylan's advance).

Dylan (In a weird whisper) Do you remember what you said to me, man? Remember what you said when I played you those tapes. . . I, uh, you.. . I'll tell you later. (Pause) Anyway, I played you a song and you said. . . (he goes blank). Bobby told me.

(Another uncomfortable silence. Suddenly Dylan bounds to life)

Dylan Your song publishing company, what it is!?

Lennon (Pause) Dick James?

Dylan No, that's not it. . . is that the name? That's not the name I heard.

Lennon Northern songs?

DylanThat's it.

Lennon Um.

Dylan I didn't know what it meant. . . and then I had to go and find out! You didn't tell me, man. . . and you said (slurred) 'this should be a Northern Song' and then Paul McCartney looked the way talking to Ringo. . .

Lennon. . . and then Mick Jagger looked up and balloons fell off his face and then Rob Roy lept into the room with a Big Kilarny and said, "Hey, Bob! You heard this one??"

(Everyone in the car rocks with laughter, except Dylan who is smiling uneasily)

Dylan John, you oughta live in Texas, man.

Bob Neuwirth (after an uncomfortable silence) I'm sure he'll give that some thought while we're here.

Dylan (in a mock lecturing voice) I read in the papers that George Harrison spent a lot of time in the states. You could learn a lot from George!

Lennon (without missing a beat and in Dylan's face) Tell me about the Mamas and Papas, Bob. I hear you're backing them very bigly!

Dylan (taken aback) Ah, you. . . you just want to know about the big one. The big chick. That's all anyone ever wants to know about. She's got ahold of you too! She's got a hold of everyone I know. . . You're terrible, man. (He won't give it up. . . and the two banter names back and forth)

Lennon Do you know. . . do you know Ral Donner?

Dylan Who? No. I only know the lesser-knowns.

Lennon Barry McQuire's a great war hero.

Dylan Ba. . .Barry McQuire tells me he's a good friend of yours.

Lennon No. . .(assuming interview mode) I'm afraid I, Bob, Bobby, don't know him at all. He met me through you. His people called me and said that you were backing him and. . . Sgt. Barry. . .

Dylan I'm sure you must be confusing. . . (Dylan loses his train of thought and yells, "cut. Take that again.")

Lennon He missed his lines again.

(Dylan rubs his chin and gets suddenly somber and serious)

Dylan Hey, well you know. I don't care.

Lennon 'Course not. (Lennon sings to relieve the tension)

(Later, the situation gets a bit more dire)

Dylan (Gurgling and coughing and moaning) Oh, I wanna go back home!

Neuwirth And see a baseball game.

Dylan (Woozily) Oh, yeah. I wanna go back home and see a baseball game. In America you've got baseball games. Baseball games. . .all-night TV. . . I come from the land of paradise.

Lennon (Deadpan) Sounds great.

(Dylan is clutching his side, taking his sunglasses off and rubbing his forehead)

Dylan Hey, Tom! How far are we from the hotel?

Lennon Permission to land, Tom.

Dylan Hey, I'm . . . (he's looking bad). . . beginning to get sick here. Am I getting sick? Lennon (mumbling to Neuwirth). . . the tremors.

Dylan I'm feeling very sick here. . . but I never get sick.

(an uncomforable silence)

Dylan I hope I don't vomit into the camera. (Smiling uneasily and looking at John.) I've done everything else into that camera, I may as well vomit into it.

(Everyone in the car laughs uncomfortably. Pennebaker frames Lennon, who nervously shuffles in his seat as the soundtrack reveals a distant Arrrggh.. . . .! Before this occurs, he attempts one more bit of comedy. . . )

Dylan So, John. How long have you had a partnership in Macy's?

(For much of the rest of the tape, all we see is Dylan holding his head, rubbing his eyes, asking occasionally how far they are from the hotel)

Lennon (Looking over at a sick Dylan) Do you suffer from sore eyes, groovy foreheads and curly hair? Try Zoonton!