Kyle's New Year Sermon
As the Westside Connection says on their new album, Bow Down, "Ain't never gonna stop gang bangin' cuz there's too much love," or as us white boys say, whatever. Now listen up Y'all. I been on this earth for going on 50 years and there ain't been a day gone by I didn't have to lie, cheat or steal (ie: lay around doing nothing) to keep my head above the water we call just plain living. With 1997 busting me up in my nuts I've realized I'm so sick and t-i-i-i--red of everybody's bad attitudes. People with tattoos and piercings and baggy pants with their poot holes showing know they have zero chance of getting a good job and know all about how it's an old boys society and nobody gives them a chance. But come on. If the world is crushing ya' you don't lay down and pierce your tits-- stand up and kick the world in the butt. I personally don't think that tattoos and nose chains and funny looking sideburns have anything to do with our young'uns feeling that society is breathing doom down their back. I think its cuz we have this freedom to do lots of wild stupid shit. If you want to pierce yourself and go on welfare you can do that or you can tattoo F**K You across your knuckles. Whatever. But why not use all your pent up energy and frustration to do something with yourself instead of just going around saying everything sucks? Music sucks, movies suck, schools suck, bosses suck (well, that's true), but just cuz you don't like something doesn't mean it sucks. I agree (just for instance) that the music on the radio is unenjoyable but that doesn't mean that it sucks. I don't like the Sweet and Sour Pork either but I don't think Chinese food sucks. I get the chicken with Chinese vegetables. Yum yum. The world doesn't suck. The world isn't out to hold you down. If you want to change something about the world get up and instigate change or dig around until you find a part of society more to your liking. Your world is about the choices you make. I work with guys who hate everything so maybe I'm just overwhelmed with negativity but I say "Come on world let's wear our tongue piercings and stylish clothes as a sign of power and optimism and not of forlorn dismissal of our future." I want us all to start thinking when we see some guy with green hair and Marilyn Manson tattoo on his forearm: Hey that goofball loser is gonna be somebody someday. Oppression, like freedom, is a state of mind that we all need to get ahold of. Let me get to my main point: We have to stop littering. Litter is the laziest, grossest, dumbest thing in the world. If you litter, you really do suck. If you litter and disrespect the earth and the people around you, you deserve to make minimum wage and get the crap beaten out of you by your boss. And let's not forget rich white yuppies in Volvos with Save The Bay bumperstickers throwing their cigarette butts out of their car windows. They deserve to have some minimum wage grunge club kid pierce his ass. If we didn't litter, we wouldn't feel down about ourselves. Clean up, shape up, dress up, make up and act up. Happy 1997. The world really can be a great place. Get off the phone and go to work.
--Kyle Hogg