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MUSIC POLL
***********
Rob Sheffield
(Rolling Stone columnist,
WTJU 91.1 FM DJ)
Best of 1999:
* Randy Newman -- Bad Love (Dreamworks)
Pick hit: "Shame," in which the cocktail lounge piano man gives up one more tune for the empty room as the USA Network erotic thriller plays on the TV over the bar.
* Chemical Brothers -- Surrender (Astralwerks)
Pick hit: "The Sunshine Underground," combining both sides of Bowie’s Low into the lost fifth side of Sign Of The Times.
* Pavement -- Terror Twilight (Matador)
Pick hit: "Major Leagues," because it’s butter.
* Kid Rock -- Devil Without A Cause (Lava/Atlantic)
Pick hit: "Bawitdaba," Randy Newman crashes the Headbanger’s Ball (even though mama told him not to come).
* Robbie Williams -- The Ego Has Landed (Capitol)
Pick hit "Strong," because you think he’s strong but you’re wrong, you’re wrong.
1999 Reissues:
* Santo & Johnny -- The Best Of Santo & Johnny (Stardust)
The ‘50s Brooklyn guitar geniuses play "Sleepwalk" and 23 others, the glimmer of a marquee moon in the blue lagoon.
* Gloria Trevi -- De Pelos: Lo Mejor De Gloria Trevi (BMI Mexico)
Mexico’s biggest disco singer, great Spanish versions of "Satisfaction" and "Last Kiss," currently a fugitive in Europe after last year’s revelations that she was running a prostitution ring on the side. You have to admit that’s at least interesting.
Rob’s Best of the Nineties? Glad you asked!
* Pavement -- Slanted and Enchanted (Matador, 1992)
* The Notorious B.I.G. -- Life After Death (Bad Boy, 1997)
* Dump -- International Airport (Smells Like, 1995)
* Liz Phair -- Exile In Guyville (Matador, 1993)
* The Auteurs -- New Wave (Caroline, 1993)
* Sleater-Kinney-- Call The Doctor (Chainsaw, 1996)
* Billie Ray Martin -- Deadline For My Memories (Sire, 1996)
* Pulp -- Different Class (Island, 1995)
* Luna -- Penthouse (Elektra, 1995)
* The Breeders -- Last Splash (4AD, 1993)
Dave Harrison
(The Meandering Surrealist)
1999 MAGNA CUM (alphabetically)
* 5ive Style-- Miniature Portraits (SubPop)
Hair pi.
* Cuban Boys--"Cognoscenti Vs. Intelligentsia" 45 (White Label)
Spanish spy.
* Flaming Lips-- The Soft Bulletin (WB)
High-concept psych-pop.
* High Llamas-- Snowbug (V2)
Easy-listening--winter version.
* Ladybug Transistor--The Albemarle Sound (Merge)
Heartfelt folk-pop.
* Magic Island--Small (Blackberry)
Low-concept psych-folk
* The Make Up -- Save Yourself (Dischord)
Soul-rock.
* Miss Mend --"Living City Plan" 45
Treat Her Like A Lady.
* Outrageous Cherry-- Out There In The Dark (Del-Fi)
Power-pop with snare/floor-tom combo.
* Silvania -- Naves Sin Puertos (Reservoir)
Spanish glide.
* Stereolab-- Cobra and Phases Groop Play ‘Voltage’ in the Milky Night (Elektra)
Jon Cage Aspergum.
1999 DEAN's LIST
* Lucksmiths -- Happy Secret (Roundabout)
Acoustic pop.
* Sam Prekop (Thrill Jockey)
Jazz.
* Badly Drawn Boy--" Once Around The Block" 45 (Twisted Nerve)
Art-rock.
* The Lilys --"Bliss Out, v. 15" EP (Darla)
"I've Got That Feeling..."
* The Beta Band -- The Three EPs (Astralwerks)
Raga-psyche / pop
* The Beta Band (Astralwerks)
Daughter of Raga-psyche / pop
* Marine Research -- Sounds From The Gulf Stream (K LP)
Riot Act.
* Kid Loco -- Prelude to. . . A Grand Love Story (Yellow/Atlantic)
September In Paris.
* Mouse on Mars-- Niun Niggung (Thrill Jockey)
February In Dusseldorf.
* Idyll Swords (Communion)
Sarod, dulcimer, oud and banjo.
* Thahiti 80 -- Puzzle (Atmospherics)
Loop-di-loo.
* Beachwood Sparks -- "Desert Skies" / "Make It" 45 (Lukewarm)
Harmonious power-pop.
* Get Up Kids -- Something To Write Home About (Vagrant/Caroline)
Punk-pop.
* Magnetic Fields -- 69 Love Songs, Vol. 1 (Merge)
Cop-out.
* Beulah-- When Your Heartstrings Break (Sugar Free)
Pop with trumpet.
* Cinerama -- "Pacific" 7" (Elephant)
Cheap wedding present.
1999 REISSUES
* Tomorrow (EMI)
'68 London psychedelia, featuring Keith West, Twink and their early singles as Aquarian Age.
* The Association -- Original Soundtrack: Waiting For Columbus (WB import)
'67 Breezy pop.
* Anima Sound -- Musik für Alle (Alga)
'71 Krautrock with psyche.
* Attilo Mineo-- Man In Space With Sounds (Repertoire)
Electronic outer-space exotica music recorded in 1951 for the World's Fair in Seattle. Played in the Fair's "Bubbleator;" a tour of the future.
* Lee Hazlewood --Cowboy In Sweden (Smells Like)
Some Velvet Dude Ranch.
Dave’s Best of the ‘90’s:
* Stereolab -- Transient Random-Noise Bursts With Announcements (Elektra)
* High Llamas -- Hawaii (Alpaca Park)
* Guided By Voices -- Bee Thousand (Matador)
* Babybird -- Fatherhood (BB Recordings)
* The Chills -- Submarine Bells (Slash)
* The Fall-- Cerebral Caustic (Cog Sinister / Permanent)
* Stereolab -- Dots and Loops (Elektra)
* Yo La Tengo-- Electr-o-Pura (Matador)
* Flaming Lips -- The Soft Bulletin (WB)
* St. Etienne -- So Tough (WB)
* Ladybug Transistor -- The Albemarle Sound (Merge)
* Mekons -- Return From Memphis (1/4 Stick / Touch & Go)
Chuck Taylor
(WTJU 91.1 FM Programming Director)
Uncle Chuck’s
Most Interesting Recordings of 1999
* Adrian Belew -- Salad Days (Thirsty Ear)
* Ani DiFranco & Utah Phillips -- Fellow Workers (Righteous Babe)
* Datach’i -- 1010101 (rec + play) (Caipirinha)
* Los Lobos -- This Time (Hollywood)
* Monica Salamoso -- Trampolim (Blue Jackel)
* Paul Motia & Electric Bopland -- Flight of the Bluejay (Winter & Winter)
* The Baby Namboos -- Ancoats2zambia (Palm Pictures)
* Tom Waits -- Mule Variations (Anti/Epitaph)
* Various Artists -- ReRooted: Beatz From the Ground Up (City of Tribes)
* Various Artists -- Onda Sonora: Red Hot & Lisbon (Bar/None)
Top 5 Reissues
(two are companion pieces)
* Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band -- Grow Fins (Table of the Elements / Revenant) on LP
* Lee Hazelwood -- Requiem for An Almost Lady (Smells Like Records) on LP
* Lee Hazelwood -- Trouble is a Lonesome Town (Smells Like Records) on LP
* Sandy Bull -- Re-Inventions: Best of Vanguard (Vanguard)
* Etta James -- At Last! (MCA/Chess)
* Los Zafiros -- Bossa Cubana (World Circuit)
Chuck’s fave labels in 1999:
32 Jazz, Alula, Almo, Atrium, Caipirinha, Folk-Legacy, Knitting Factory, Palm Pictures, Reverent, Table of Elements, Thirsty Ear, Winter & Winter, World Circuit\
Dan Poarch
(a.k.a. "Front")
Dan’s Best of the ‘90’s
* Los Lobos -- Kiko (WB, 1992)
Moving from conventional blues numbers to undescribable ambient plotting stories to emotional acoustic ballads. This album defines a band that has found maturity and made something of it. Some how this album appeals to dorky middle-age audio enthusiasts and underground hiphoppers as well (Check my interview with Ahmir from The Roots on www.virginiamusicflash.com).
* Prince Paul -- Psychoanalysis (Tommy Boy, 1996)
Psychoanalysis shows hip hop to the door. This album turns "Pop-Hop" on it's ear while making underground pull up its drawers and respect the master. I hate to be Prince Paul's dick but damn... this is one of a kind. No you can't listen to it everyday. No you can't take every track every time you listen to it. This album is the one that keeps on giving. When I'm 75 I'll be beggin' the nurse to pull the curtain and cuddle up while we share a headphone and take this one in.
* Basehead -- Plays With Toys (Emergo, 1991)
I'm in the midst of a Basehead revival since I moved to DC. Almost on que, they reassembled and started putting on shows as if to remind Dan Poarch that he has the ability to love through rationalized bitterness. I just dig these guys. I wish I could convince Adam Busch to give these guys a listen. That might be a moment of anti-matter destruction though.
Dan’s rest of the best of the ‘90’s:
* Tribe Called Quest - Midnight Marauders (Jive, 1993)
While I love every album they made, this one shines as the mature composed work. Opening every door in the house that Ali Shaheed Muhammad, Phife and Q-Tip built, this album has the ability to please almost anyone.
* De La Soul - De La Soul is Dead (Tommy Boy, 1991)
A last gasp of rampant sampling from a group that practically made no money on their first album because of sampling battles. Old white guys didn't take much to being sampled by Black kids in the early nineties (Fast forward to 1997: David Crosby only gave rights to PE for He Got Game if he could appear in the video. Trying to expand his urban fan-base I imagine. Too bad they didn't give him the Shut'em Down treatment. They blew up images of world leaders throughout the video). The songs are tremendous. Funny, bitter, obnoxious, flavorful, friendly, hateful and most of all brilliant. Better than 3 Feet High? Couldn't tell you. All three of their first albums are exceptional in completely different ways, yet remain completely unmannered... how does that work?
* Latin Playboys - Latin Playboys (Slash, 1994)
Jesus. The first album just blew my mind. A tangential experience coming from the movements of songs featured on Los Lobos' Kiko. Indie rockers whose brows are still burrowed (I'm drunk-- is that the right turn of phrase?) after the Los Lobos mentioned better get off their trust fund asses and give it up for this disc. If they can't, then I hope they rot in hell sitting between the Bay City Rollers and Nelson. Unneeded angst. I apologize.
* Manishevitz -- Grammar Bell & The All Fall Down (Jagjaguwar)
No lie. So what if he's a friend of mine. I fucking love this album. Songs like Ice Pick make me want to make love to snowbanks to find a warm sexual partner. Fine poetry does this to me.
* Urban Dance Squad -- Mental Floss For the Globe (Arista, 1990)
Without this album idiots like Kid Rock would have no sound. I'd even dare to say that it led to more acclaimed albums like Check Your Head. Look beyond the single "Deeper Shade of Soul" and look at the creativity and originality of a band that never found it again. Too bad. Rob Sheffield rolled his eyes at the mere mention of this and said, "We all have one of those, I guess." Yup. I had to have one...and this is it.
* KMD -- Mr. Hood (Elektra, 1994)
Unheard of and understandably so. They took the De La Soul lead and reached deeper into the recesses of out of place samples. An incredibly developed yet eclectic sound for a freshman effort. One time where I can't tell if they fell into the sound or they just couldn't hold onto it as their never released sophomore effort, available only on underground vinyl, just doesn't hold like this one does. Sesame Street samples... just ill my friends. Like Rasco, they're the illest.
* Public Enemy - Fear of a Black Planet (Def Jam/ Columbia, 1990)
The foundation was laid by this group long before the ‘90’s began but they still provided this suburban kid with something besides Richard Marx and the Seattle sound. I won't bother to yank on their dick at this point, I'll let everyone bring 'em off and just watch. PE blood courses through my veins.
Abby Hoffman
(Dodobobo)
Tops for 1999, new & reissue:
* Sally Timms- Cowboy Sally's Twilight Laments (Bloodshot)
* Low- Secret Name (kranky)
* Stereolab-- Cobra and Phases Groop Play ‘Voltage’ in the Milky Night (Elektra)
* Os Mutantes -- World Psychedelic Classics 1: Brazil: The Best Of Os Mutantes/Everything Is Possible! (Luaka Bop/Warner Bros.)
* High Llamas- Snowbug (V2)
* Dusty Springfield- Dusty in London (Rhino)
‘99 Honorable Mentions:
* His Name is Alive- Always Stay Sweet (4AD)
* Tom Ze- Fabrication Defect (WB/Luaka Bop)
Abby’s Tops for the ‘90’s:
* Stereolab -- Transient Random Noise Bursts with Announcements (Elektra)
* His Name is Alive -- Fort Lake (4AD)
* Dusty Springfield -- Dusty in London (Rhino)
Franz Bauer
(astronomer extroadinaire)
. . . Here is my slanted take on
electronica / hip-hop in 1999.
* Kool Keith -- Black Elvis / Lost in Space (Ruffhouse)
...is the best hip hop about hip hop in quite some time. Hilarious.
* Kitty Craft -- Beats and Breaks from the Flower Patch (Kindercore)
...is a very innovative blend of bass beats and caramel-ie lyrics.Amazing.
* Alec Empire -- Destroyer (DHR)
...is the supreme power behind Digital Hardcore Records (I think?). This is his first solo album (he makes beats for Atari Teenage Riot too). Empire takes on the world in every song and usually comes out on top. So gnarly! You will either love it or hate it. I choose to bask in the glorious noise. (Dec. 1998)
* Prince Charming -- A Short Treatise... (Wordsound)
...is a set of short (~3min) electronic pieces showing a broad range of deep, thick beats, samples, and record hiss. Most of these are worthy of mention on their own; however, when slapped together as they are, they form one fine CD. (Dec. 1998)
* Hrvatski --- Osieux 96-98 (Forced Exposure)
I tend to loath most drum-n-bass. But when this gem hit the streets, I took notice. This is drum-n-bass like no other. They employ extremely innovative beat sequences, often toying with the genre. A real head-trip.
Reissues / complilations
* Dj Krush + Toshinori -- Ki-Oku (Instinct)
...is a reissue of a japanese import. Jazz trumpet by Toshinori fused with breaks, beats, et cetera from the one and only DJ Krush.
* Various Artists -- Perfect Beats (Tommy Boy)
...is a compilation of old / early (circa 1980's) dance floor hits. Hip hop and the last remnants of disco meet.. Surprisingly fresh.
Franz’ Best of the 1990’s
* Tom Waits -- Black Rider (Island, 1992)
*The Orb -- Adventures Beyond the Ultraworld (Big Life, 1992)
D.R. Tyler Magill
(a.k.a. Herman "Boo Boo" Melville Jr.)
The Top 306 of 199x
I'm watching The Magic Schoolbus (Fox Kids, weekdays, 3pm). The air has been let out of their pontoons; they're sinking to the bottom of the lake! Crap! I hope Ms. Frizzle can get 'em outta this jam! And after this, I watch Sailor Moon. This is what I do. I don't go out much. It's a good life.
I swear to God I'm disconnecting my phone.
But I am going to heaven.
So my tops of the 90's. None of it in any order.
Top Foods of the 90's:
1) Coconut soda. I don't remember the brand name, but you could get about 24oz. for something like 40 cents. They took it off the market when a rumor went around that it made black men sterile. I'm not making this up.
2) Utz Carolina BarBQ potato chips So tangy they make it hard to breathe. Good.
3) Polska kielbasa.
4) Utz Puff'n Corn in the caramel flavor-profile.
5) Cheese
Honorable mention: seared tuna served with charmoula, warm new potato salad and haricots verts. Other honorable mention: music, being the food of love. Thus a subset follows.
Top Ear Candies of the 90's
* Slint -- Spiderland (Touch and Go)
I've been a DJ on various college radio stations on and off for the last 12 years, so I know something (not much) about what this "college radio" thing is. And after Spiderland , there was a lot more rock and a lot less jangle. (college pop is just now coming back with those Elephant Six honkies and the damn English, far as I can tell.) This album has power, lyricism, passion and precision, and "Good Morning, Captain" is one of the most wrenching songs I have ever heard in any style of music. Everything from Tortoise's damnedable fusion to the beautiful and brutal structures of Union of a Man and a Woman (see next) can trace something back to this album. Don't sleep on their first album, either. That's like sleeping on Television's second album; just because it ain't perfection doesn't mean it's not good.
* Union of a Man and a Woman -- The Sound of the Union of a Man and a Woman (Jagjaguwar)
It was either Martin Mull or Suzanne Vega that said writing about music
is like dancing about architecture. Well, these kids'll do you one better: an album that sounds like buildings dancing, one hundred tons of granite that remained light on its feet. It was only guitar, bass and drums, but it sounded like a lot more, because every song managed to fit so many pieces together. It squealed, it groaned; it was anything but a mess, yo. The album sold about fifteen copies, because they didn't tour (get this: they graduated from high school and went to different colleges. What the hell was I doing when I was that age? Were you doing anything more?). So here's another dumb
adage: genius is never recognized in its own time or country.
* Melt-Banana -- Charlie (A-Zap)
Bonkers! Japanese band that sounds like the quickest hardcore put through
a centrifuge. The guitar has to be heard to be believed. Thoroughly irrepressible fun for some of us (not many, however). I love it because it sounds like they don't have the time to blurt out everything they want to so they just explode. Don't tell me you never feel like that. Plus, the bass player looks like she's about five years old. Yeah, I kinda do miss Old Skull, now that I mention it.
4) Neutral Milk Hotel -- In the Aeroplane Over the Sea (Merge)
Speaking of weddings, the best are supposed to be a mystical union, right? I mean, if you do it correctly, and you're in love, and she's in love, and nothing goes wrong. It's a lot to hope for, isn't it, but they seem to work, sometimes. Well, let's get really mystical. Let's get really beautiful. Let's check this album out. It's about the union with God.
The music is great, modern fuzzed-out psychedelia, with great flourishes of bowed saw, squealing uillean pipes (Irish bagpipes, I think) and woozy horns. It's chaos but it has to be, when you think about the subject matter. Aeroplane... is a concept album about the singer's love for Anne Frank. Well, that's a mighty tall order (not only is she dead but no-one even knows where her grave is no doubt not being kept clean) but the son of a gun brings it off, because he speaks in a language of hope. He knows she's gone but she isn't, the good she symbolizes lives on.
Hope: that idea we humans have that says that the impossible can happen. We all need some of that hope stuff. Barkeep, gimme a pint of that hope.
Man oh man, I have never played this album for anyone who doesn't like it. I'm talking about people who hate their lives, people who don't know who Anne Frank is (oh, silly youth) and dogs. I have played this album for dogs! They get those doggy smiles and wag their tails, and then they fall asleep and never twitch. Wonderful, wonderful.
* Circus Lupus -- Solid Brass (Dischord)
* The Monorchid -- Who Put Out the Fire? (Touch and Go)
Chris Thomson is a perverse little bastard, and I await the day I can shake his hand and tell him that with nothing but admiration. Starting out in Madison's Circus Lupus (and that's Madison,Wisconsin, someone oughta represent from Madison Co., VA), he has been involved in some of the smartest, most intelligently pissed-off punk bands ever. Circus Lupus brought some severely ass-shaking grooves, courtesy of an amazingly tight rhythm section, but even better, the man brought some great rants. It's everything us high-school geeks wanted to say, spewed out so fast, funny and viciously true that there's no reply anyone can give. He kept the same M.O. for the
Monorchid, stripping it down and giving it a little more treble and another guitar line. Whatever. The only problem: he's broken up more bands than most of us have had hot dinners. The upside: all of us will be in a band with Chris Thomson by the year 2010. Trust me, he won't run out of things to skewer. And my band with him will be called the Lame Fangs. We'll have three songs on four different compilations (our last song will begin on one and end on the other), and then break up.
* Lungfish -- Sound in Time (Dischord)
Stark poetry set to minimal riffs over pagan beats. Stark poetry about whether God exists or not, and if He does, why did he let the world get so absolutely screwed up? In the end, he does exists, and maybe even God has no reasons. So it's the truth.
As opposed to Neutral Milk Hotel, almost everyone I play this for hates it. It's like listening to primitive war chants. But sometimes, that's just what we need, in order to go out and fight the Devil.
* God is my Co-Pilot -- I Am Not This Body (Making of Americans)
Sex. Songs about sex. Songs about sex and religion. Songs about sex and
religion and giving in to the total reality that sex and religion are. Sex and religion just blitz you, as we and any Bride of Christ will tell you. This album does the same. Hoo boy, songs about raunchy sex and religion (with a couple that ain't so sexy, but hey there's around 32 tracks, so a few letdowns are not only expected but necessary). "Grizzly Gizzard" is the raunchiest song ever. Put this on at the end of your next party, clear the house with orgasmic blasts of guitar-splat, and get it on. Which is assuming
that you're lucky enough that your squeeze also likes guitar-splat. Imagine
Barry White, queer, female, wildly uncloseted, with the Knitting Factory all-star band of skronkadelia. Yeah, I know that's along way to go, but you've gotten this far. Oh deary, makes me wish I was a bunny. Love might be an international language, but sex is an interplanetary one.
* anything by Lambchop (all on Merge)
The lead singer looks like Bill Murray. They're a country orchestra trying to break their own "New Nashville Sound" for a land who most appreciates Mutt Lange's 128-tracks of Shania. And they seem to be morphing into a beautiful soul band, albeit one with a person who plays nothing but open-ended wrenches and lacquer cans. Start with the beautiful Hank with all its swooning pedal steel (attention English grad students: signifier!), work back to How I Quit Smoking and then jump forward to What Another Man Spills for their latest direction. Take note of the perfectly empathtic lyrics
throughout, their references to bean dip, walking the dogs, indecent proposals from an overweight Garth Brooks and heroin disasters. Remember that a very good movie once had a character say, "True empathy requires understanding." Take comfort in the fact that these people understand, and make beauty out of the day-to-day. Sure, it's hard to do. I mean, you try it. Really, I mean it. C'mon, let's all try it!
* Gastr del Sol -- Upgrade and Afterlife (Drag City)
Now these people fascinate me. David Grubbs comes from a serious hard
rock background (Squirrel Bait, Slint) since he was 15. Jim O'Rourke has been
improv-ing with the best and making musique concrete since he was 18. Now
they're about 30 (or about our age, and what have we been doing with our time?... but I repeat myself), Dave wants to be Jim O'Rourke. And Jim, he wants to piss everyone off (and that's not my opinion, ask the guy next time you see him down the drinker) with his attempts to deconstruct popular music from the 60's on. They intersected gloriously on Upgrade, which opens up with an surging blast of orchestral feedback and ends with a ceramic and droning version of John Fahey's "Dry Bones in the Valley" (courtesy of Tony Conrad's one note violin). In between are songs for driving, songs for walking and songs for sitting with your eyes closed. Each one is art with a capital 'A', and not really fun as we know it, but good. Y'know, it's post-modern. Or something. At least it ain't post-rock. Or is it? Ask NME. You know what it is? It's classical music. It's classic.
* (no band name) -- Arise Therefore (Drag City)
* Palace -- Mountain (Drag City)
Well, the whole variable and/or no band name thing is just Will Oldham being himself, or Bonnie "prince" Billy or the Flying Wallenskys or whatever he is these days. He could change his name every day if he always made beautiful CD's like these. Mountain is an EP of gently moving songs about love and ending. You can actually slow-dance to it, if you can get over Oldham's cracked warble, which is admittedly an aquired taste, but so are Stilton, college and smoking, and they're all good for you, aren't they? "Gulf Shores" makes my top three songs of the decade (I haven't figured out the other two right now.)
Now, I do seem to like beautiful music about horrible things and Arise... does not disappoint, with songs about backwoods (natch) roll-jobs on "A Sucker's Evening" (featuring the uplifting lines, "I'll hold his arms, you fuck him/ fuck him with somethig/ the fuck, he deserves it") and a song my mother absolutely loved until she found out it's called "You Have Cum in Your Hair and Your Dick is Hanging Out". It's all a dusty drum machine and porch-pluckings, but it's on the major-key songs that he shines. The title track makes me want to keep living, or at least living in a more Christian
manner. For the most part, the lyrics are a downer, but the thready organ and the line, "Some have risen, they are lucky," and the fact (as belied by the title) that he wants us to rise makes me think that he means the song as an inspiration.
I was talking to someone very close to me late at night once, and we had
been drinking, and she was drawing in chalk on her concrete floor. She wanted
me to join in, so I did. I wrote the lyrics to this song. She's often not a
very happy person, but the lyrics seemed to make her happier. It's a great
album, but that one reason is the best as to why I like the album so much.
Are u in a band? Well, whoop-a-dee-doo!
It's fun! Maybe you've even made money! Maybe you're on a label! It's even more
fun to be in fake bands! Less practice time, funnier song titles, no messy
touring. Put up posters for fake bands you're in, and you'll get as many
people to show up for your "gigs" as you would if you were in a real band! {at least around here}
My Top 10-209 Bands I've Been In
or Planned to Do or Told People I Was Doing
1) Slag Battery. Actual band. Awful. Voted "worst band in Charlottesville" in
'92. Artistic nadir/acme: the bassist demands to do "Tales of Brave Ulysses",
so as the band lurches in and out of said toon, I pick up Carl Sagan's Cosmos
and sing-read something about comets or some other space-junk. 2) K-Wal.
Techno band. Recorded a cover of "Smoke on the Water" that was so complex it
took two people playing the same keyboard, me to go "whong" on the low notes
and Erik to go "neener-neener" on the high notes. 3) Inkliquor(Leg). Fake
band. Was to include the Sally Hemmings Horns and the Strings of Removal.
Later, it can be argued, this band became the Curious Digit. There were
giants in those days. 4) Draw the Kitten. Actual band. Now up to about thirty
members. Grip house band. Better than the Eagles; have psych fiddle bits.
5) S'odob. Fake Charlottesville supergroup comprised of all of my friends. We
were going to play Baja Bean Open Nic night and say obscene things. Never
did. 6) Shoes for Xuxa. Sometimes when half of an "improv" band (meaning we
never practiced and decided to let inspiration take us where it may, usually
straight down the brownhole) hates or indeed is actively trying to kill the
other half, that tension can be harnessed to beautiful effect. We sucked.
Imploded on stage, with half of us heading to a bar and the other half
playing on until the building was empty and a janitor kicked them out.
Couldn't have ended any other way. 7,8) Doomsday Trio, Hopi the Indian. Both
were instant bands, songs composed on the spot without writing them
aforehand. These bands differ from improv bands because the songs have some
sort of structure. The latter was going to be my shot at a major label, with
songs like "(Please Don't Give Me a) Romulan Haircut" and "Jagjaguwar
Appreciation Theme" b/w "Pounding Bricks Into Dust with My Forehead." Sadly never
mixed down. The Happy Flowers nearly had some competition. The former band
was composed of Adam Busch, Don Harrison and myself and played live on the
air for the Millenium Broadcast at WTJU. Sorta like They Might Be Giants but drunk.
9) Dad Fucked Mom. Another improv band. My friend Joe says that's the worst
band name ever but I disagree. 10) One Hundred Dollars. Actual band. We will
finish no song before its time. We can play in 7/5 time.
Not that we know we're doing it, but we can.
(editor’s note: Tyler has convieniently left out his Grand Banks solo debut sessions,
He hopes I’ll forget that I have the master tapes. --Don)
Worst Band Names of the 90's
1) Skull Kontrol
2) Moxy Fruvous (don't forget them umlauts)
3) Deep Banana Blackout (What? Yeah, of course they play twenty-minute
stoner jams! They blew both of their collective neurons on that one, I'm sure)
Best Band Names of the 90's
1) Electric Light Orchestra (notice that there's no 'the'... number 1 for
the third decade running)
2) We Are Vikings (so wrong it's right... great band out of Harrisonburg)
Top Weddings of the 90's
1) O'Rourke-Cassar
2) Cuevas-Morgan
3) Schwartz-White
4) my marriage to Jesus Christ
All of the above, especially the third and really especially the fourth, would make excellent names for comets. How about it, amateur astrologers of America? How about you stop with the selfishness and give some comets some
good names? Note: all apocalyptic comets, the ones that threaten to destroy our planet and way of life, should be named after mythological destroyers such as Shiva, Abaddon and Y2K. Or they should just have cool names like
ZORGON (all caps essential).
Over-rated band of the 90's.
1) Tortoise. Oh boy! Fusion! Fusion? Wasn't, uh, punk or digital hardcore
or some other Force of Righteousness or something, anything supposed to have
killed this shit twenty years ago? Why isn't this on Wyndham Hill? Here's a
joke I'm making up on the spot: how many members of Tortoise does it take to
screw in a lightbulb? Only one, but he's doing it in 9/4 time, then he
splices tape of him screwing in other lightbulbs, and after a while he's got
a twenty-minute epic that college DJ's go wacky over. Speaking of which,
oddly enough (and consistency is the cob-nobbler of l'il minds, mah friend)...
Fuck! The Simpsons are coming on!
I asked askjeeves.com, the fabulously un-useful new information source
where you type in your query in real english (as opposed to using boolean strings, hexadecimal or any of those other internet ways of speaking, you know, talking like how we talk round the water cooler), anyways, I askedjeeves this question:
"How do I make them leave me alone?" I got this.
1) "Where can I get information on the organization English First?"
2) "Where can I get information and resources on widowhood and being alone?"
3) "Nine matches by About.com - Leave Us Alone: Civil Liberties"
4) "Ten matches by Webcrawler - Ye Jacobites by Name"
5) "Nine matches by Altavista - Leave Gary Coleman Alone!!"
Almost perfect, except for the first two.
Some more good 'uns from the ‘90’s:
* Love666 -- American Revolution & untitled (Amphetamine Reptile and This is Not a Record Label) - The White Panthers live, or that's what these boys
want us to think. The sound of dope, guns and fucking in the streets as not
really updated for the 90's.
* Medicine -- The Buried Life (American)
Threaten yer guitar, make it do anything you want as long as it's not actually playing a note, and throw some breathy woman singing over it. What you've got is the next My Bloody Valentine record, which is fine when you consider that My Bloody Valentine
will release their next album the day after we all die. (I would include, by the way, Loveless on this list but I'm vetoing 'em because it feels like that album was released before I was born.)
* Various Artists -- American Primitive Vol.1- American Pre-War Gospel (Revenant)
Say what you will about religious music, but most of these people actually believe what they're singing. So what if they usually sound like hell? They still sound glorious. Bukka White's "I Am in the Heavenly Way" is a fat shot of all-American Gnosticism. Am I Greil Marcus yet?
* Blur -- Parklife (SBK)
Martin Amis gets a recording contract. Then the fun begins.
* Stereoelab -- Emperor Tomato Ketchup (Elektra)
Fantastic drone stuff, with nice arrangements. You can play this fer yer moms, and revel quietly that she's listening to the sound of consumer unrest. You can play it fer yer dad and chances are, if he's my dad, he might drive a straight line for once.
Because these are songs for driving, grooving and sneakily enough, thinking.
But the thinking comes way after the driving and grooving.
. . . and Tyler’s top four of '99, a year where I was mostly looking back. Which certainly doesn't mean that I should have been.
* Melt-Banana -- Charlie (A-Zap)
See Above.
* Magnetic Fields -- 69 Love Songs (Merge)
Three CD's of acerbic discussions that, like Martin Amis (see Blur, above), take the down view as far as it can but somehow seems to find small glints of worthiness in the
human compost heap. Worth it if only for "The Death of Ferdinand de
Saussure", "Yeah! Oh Yeah!" and "Washington, DC". And about twenty others.
* Manishevitz -- Grammar Bell and the All Fall Down (Jagjaguwar)
I have to say this: I played on the Manishevitz tour (I was a last minute replacement for the keyboardist; his lung spontaneously collapsed. How much shit do we have to worry about already, without wondering whether our lungs are gonna sponaneously collapse?). And I have to say this: I have a song-writing co-credit on this album (three lines I forgot I wrote were thrown into the chorus of one song). And I should also say, in the spirit of full disclosure, that Adam Busch (who basically is the band) is one of my closest friends. For that matter, let's just get it all into the open: I even wrote a
lot of the content for his website (www.manishevitz.com, mais oui). But would
I have done all this shit for him if I didn't think he had gotten it right? Read the album's description in Don's bit. It's good.
Let's not even count that one, OK? Get off my back.
* Bruce Haack et al. -- Listen Compute Rock Home (Emperor Norton)
This is a reissue, but is it a re-issue if no-one heard it before? Sounds like Beck
making a record for the youth, except Beck is taking hallucinogens: whacked-out songs full of crap analogue synth-banjoes, Casio-tone beats twenty years before Casios showed up, and Bruce's Dada kiddie rhymes on top of it all. Yes, again, this is an album for the kids. Features the line, and this isn't even one of the weirdest (read: best), "When army ants are on the warpath / I hope it's not (pause), on my path or your path." Has to be heard to be believed. Even then, you won't.
It's now almost five in the morning. The time for the important stuff.
M______ is asleep in the other room: utterly blameless, beautiful and
patient. She's a very good reason to stay alive. But you can't have her,
dammit. I'm usually fairly generous, but in this case I am not sharing!
Anyway, I have some others that are nearly as good.
Reasons to Stay Alive
1) Miller High Life in rocket-shaped bottles.
2) Just to spite people who hate you.
3) Love of animal, vegetable or mineral.
4) The Weather Channel, Cartoon Network, Comedy Central (an hour of Kids in the Hall every weekday).
5) You'll make all the people who like you unhappy if you die.
6) Pork chops with mashed potatoes, sauerkraut and lots of gravy at my house.
7) A million possibilties, or the next album by your favorite band (the same thing).
1. Best in
music poll pt. 1
2. Best in music poll
pt. 2
3. More on the '90's
4. More on 1999