Here are this week's school lunch menus, as provided by the League of Ladies with Hairnets. Recent statistics have shown that Americans lag behind other industrialized nations in amount and quality of school lunches.

Japanese schoolchildren, for instance, eat school lunch 240 days every year, compared to the 180 days of school lunch provided to American youngsters.

Grip Monthly says we MUST do better. March forward, school children of Southeastern Virginia. Single file.

Monday Spaghetti Tree tops Rolls with butter Brownies Milk or Kool Aid

Tuesday Pork and beans, cultured Vienna sausages Tree tops Sugar cane, shucked Orange juice or tepid tap water

Wednesday (farm day) Ham, live (rubber gloves provided) Yeast and various grains Fetal chicks, with straws Skinny boys with straw hats Pond scum or tractor grease

Thursday partially hydrogenated vegetable oil Egg white solids Thaimine mononitrate Soy lechitin Sorbic acid or Kool-Aid

Friday Tree tops casserole Ketchup (bibs provided) Large women with open minds Last kid in line Kool-Aid or hospital waste