Smoked!

A live, on-the-one report from 1998's Smokin' Grooves stopover

at the Nissan Pavillion in D.C. on Aug. 29

by Dan Poarch

Another year, another corporate hip-hop tour.

Most venues overlook the beer drinkin' and hell-raisin' occurances from the most recent Outlaws revival tour or the ecstasy hijinx of the average rave crowd and claim that hip hop shows produce violent results. This year's Smokin' Grooves proved that peeps can get together and have a good time peaceably.

The first year I missed Tribe & BustaRhymes, which was OK 'cause Busta' came out and performed with the Fugees for a couple minutes so I at least got to see him; I'd already seen Tribe a number of times (notice the erudite condescension). This time it was Mya that I missed. No offense, my girl is fine,but... well... I'll keep my mouth shut about tired-ass bootied-upl...

Anyway, so when I parked next to some Fairfax suburban rastas chillin' with some Jay-Z, while they Obeyed Their Thirst, I realized that I was hearing MOP bless it from 20 acres away. So I made like George and jetted to the scene. Unfortunately I missed whatever Gang Starr medley had been performed, but Premier was holding steady on the turntables with some head-nod beats produced by one the industries best, him. I mean maybe I'm a little star struck every now and then, but STILL!!! DAMN!!! I was standing there watching the man who makes tight-ass beats that make tight-ass beats go "Damn!! That's a tight-ass beat!!" But he looked kinda' old... but not as old as G.U.R.U. GURU is short too, come to think of it. All the camera angles in the Dwyck video were kinda' low. For real though, they were holding it down with what would end up being the best performance of the night. My only complaint was the massive crew that was on stage MOP, Freddie Fox, Jimmy Hoffa, your moms... I'm into variety but I'd also like to understand a lyric every once in while.

After I finished brushing off my knees, I decided I best stop begging these two fine sista's for a moment of their time and take my seat for the Flipmode Squad performance (Busta Rhymes'crew). I won't trouble you with my "I was listening to [Artist X] when all'a'y'all were in knee pants" ragbut Busta' just makes me reminisce about my friend Monahan and I practicing our lip-sync of "Just Another Case of the PTA" by Leaders of the New School (L.O.N.S.). If'n you don't know, L.O.N.S. was Busta's original crew back in the Native Tongue days. They're the guys that did Scenario with Tribe on Low End Theory and it's unfortunate that that's what they'll most likely be remembered for when the ages pass.

Anyway, Busta' of course had mad crew on stage, just like Gang Starr, but he had this kid who looked like he was16 and like any 16 year-old he ripped that damn mic up. The rest of the crew was a'ight but lacked the ability to hold my attention. Nonetheless I was pleased when Busta' performed his verseof Scenario and later followed it with a verse from L.O.N.S.'s first record. The highlight of his performance was when he and his cohort stripped down to their Polo boxer-briefs and started humping on the monitors and at one point kneeled down to the apparently fine young lady in the front row and informed her that he was,and I quote "gonna' fuck the shit outta' you after the show, gonna' fuck the shit outta' you." I guess he knew that anybody could go deep with a 1-inch monitor horn and he had to prove his manhood by moving on to the ladies.

All in all Busta' put on a great show but the show was kinda' put on... nawmean?

Post-Busta' I stayed standing on my seat while the rest of the world started sitting down. It was hot yo! So while I'm standing there I had down something about my own boxer briefs' cause I was burning up. So I tried to casually adjust them.Apparently the B-girl standing next to me, and I use B-girl lightly, seemed to feel that I was invading her space. You see, while I was getting to know my other neighbor who roadied for the Butt-hole Surfers back when he lived in Austin, her boyfriend slapped me and told me to sit down and stop scratching my nuts in his girlfriend's face. At this point she starts doing that B-girl stance like I've offended her beyond belief, and you know the stance with the hands down at her side head shaking to either side, frontin' on the speak, "Yo! I'm tired of this shit Yo!, Damn! Yo!... shit!" I'm a really nice person, and I do my best to be respectful of those around me, but this a concert for god's sake, it's hot, we're packed like sardines, so CHILL!!!! So I stood my ground and told them that all they had to do is ask, I'd be happy to sit down and get out of their way.

Then Wyclef Jean came on. Wyclef and the Fugees, here it was actually the Refugee All-Stars, always put on a great show. The same show. Every time. But it's a fun show and the best part is the DJ getting the crowd going. Not only does dude have skills, but he has taste as well. Wyclef on the other hand is an incredibly talented musician with a great ear for production who is possibly the most obnoxious muthaf**ka on stage. Once again he dissed the sound man as he did in Norfolk two years ago, maybe he's frontin' on some West Indian tradition of dissing the sound boy... but being a sound man myself, I only have onething to say, shut the hell up and perform. John Forte is a frat boy. And Wyclef, that wasn't Hennesey in your cup, chump, it was Evian, and we all know what that spells when you flip it.

Cypress Hill came next, their debut album is one of the greatest hip hop records in history. Their stage show is tired. Tired.

After getting a Coke and two PublicEnemy T-shirts and letting Cypress deflate the 20-foot inflatable buddha and get it the hell off stage, I started getting psyched up for what I had come for. Public Enemy.

Public Enemy. I wouldn't even be listening to hip hop had it not been for Public Enemy. I hoped it would be a religious experience, but you never know what to expect when even you,who's backed a Chuck D solo project, hell you thought Muse-Sick-n-Hour Mess-Age was not only good but progressive, and yet you're still wondering if YOUR BOYS still have it in them.

First on stage as usual are the S1W's who are sporting a hype new 90's outfit with a Batman looking body plate and Wesley-a-la-Blade style Ninja Swords. Griff is back and runnin' thangs as the intro music and dance ditty are being performed, and then... Sprinting from backstage, jumping on top of a platform and then landing on the most powerful line in hip hop "I got so much trouble on my mind/I refuse to lose/Here's your ticket/Hear thedrummer get wicked" At this point you're standing on your seat blessing every row between you and Chuck D with your own remix of songs you don't just know, selective memory has convinced you that they were your own thoughts in the first place. Chuck is tight,Flav is Flav, and Griff has some kinky dance moves. At this point, while I'm having a moment with the man I've adopted as my father I'm realizing that half the kids left after Cypress.

Well, I hope they had paranoid, parsly induced nightmares about a drooling 20-foot tall inflatable babbling Buddha eating their homework and stealing the keys to their new Honda Accord so they can't go to the mall. This is Public Enemy, the group that created the idea of delivering the total hip hop package music, art, video, movies, clothing, opinions, lectures, activism. Back off Wu-Tang.

Remember my B-girl friend? She's asleep. She's now The Bitch. The Under-Educated Bitch. "She's sooooooo-fisticated."

The best part of the whole night was realizing that I and my new found friend, the roadie, were spittin' all the lyrics to PE songs and bringing back what hip hop can mean to a person. No jiggy bullshit, no Hennie, no bootie, no bank, no crank, and no gold plated tanks. Engaged, on point lyrics with meaning, power, poetry and groove.

I'm sure that the House of Blues backroom cigar-toting MTV-payed-off suits had no intention of re-invigorating a semi-burned out hip hopper by bringing back one the art form's greats,but that's what they did. They brought me back to PE and what it did for me long ago.

Here's to another corporate hiphop tour.